In what will certainly be received as fantastic news by xenophobes nationwide, The New York Post is reporting [via TP] that CNN paid rabid person-hater Lou Dobbs 8 million dollars ($US) to stop telling his viewers to personally beat Mexicans they meet with a sock full of “George Washington Monuments” (quarters).
More impressive even than the dollar amount White-man Dobbs was given to pack his American-made bags is the revelation that one can be asked to leave CNN based on shoddy reporting. To be clear: CNN has literally no integrity as a news outlet. Not only do they sell T-shirts with “funny” headlines on them–although it seems maybe they stopped this a few days ago? Did Dobbs steal them!?–but they also inspired a website devoted entirely to headlines of theirs that are idiotic enough to go on T-shirts but didn’t.
What’s next for Dobbs? My guess is that he’ll become a regular on the morning show: Don Imus’ Hour Of Tolerance. Then after a few weeks the two of them will start arguing about who looks more like a Jew until they find themselves in a Mexican stand off, at which point the centrifugal irony will cause them both to implode and become black holes, which Imus won’t care for at all.
But don’t think that your humble writer hasn’t learned something from today’s news. Why, if I start viciously attacking an entire ethnic group, stoking white, nativist anxiety while creating a climate in which no one feels secure, maybe I can get my employer to pay me a truckload of money to shut the fuck up! Hmmmm. What do you say, True/Slant!? OK, here we go.
Is it just me, or is the Internet getting really overcrowded with Chechens lately!? Takin’ all of our good URLs, not linkin’ to original sources!
Or, if not them, I’m willing to hate literally any group of people for 8 million dollars and fame.
Also, if you were curious, $8 million dollars was also the amount collected for earthquake victims at an Olympic fundraiser in Bejing in 2008. No word yet on whether the victims of the Sichuan earthquake hated Mexicans.