Apple and their anti-naked-lady bias may have finally met their match, in the form of the greatest country in the world: Germany. Last month, Apple banned sexy sexy lady apps (which is also my nickname for breasts) from their popular pornographic website iTunes, causing everyone in Germany to say, “Woah woah woah, what? Relax, baby, let’s all take off our shirts and talk about this.”
The New York Times reports:
[An Apple spokeswoman] referred to a recent article in The New York Times, in which an Apple executive said the crackdown on nudity followed complaints from women who found certain applications “degrading and objectionable, as well as parents who were upset with what their kids were able to see.”
That explanation worries some German publishers. Why should a technology company in California be allowed to decide what is objectionable to the rest of the world, they ask. By comparison, imagine a Japanese television manufacturer determining what Americans are allowed to see on their sets. [emphasis added.]
Translation: Germany has had it up to here (points to nipple) with this American prudishness!
Photographer and likely pornographer Sebastian Kempa created an App that displays photos of people clothed and then unclothed that was denied by Apple. Sounds shameful to me. The Times has this to say about it:
The site is not pornographic, at least not by the standards of Germany, where it is considered prudish to wear a towel to a unisex sauna.
To be fair, in Germany it’s also considered prudish not to take a quick tinkle on your sex partner while giggling, “OOOOOO, WE ARE SO NAUGHTY, DO YOU KNOW?” It’s all context.
“We are very comfortable with the standards we have here in Germany,” said Mathias Müller von Blumencron, editor of the newsmagazine Der Spiegel. “We can’t adapt European magazines to the standards of Utah.”
Hahahaha, take that Utah! How you like that being stuffed down your throat!?
Mr. von Blumencron wonders what will happen when the magazine publishes a picture containing nudity — something that sometimes occurs when Der Spiegel writes about, say, a risqué stage production in Berlin.
“We will not alter our content,” he said. “We document war in our photographs; we show violence. Sometimes we also show pictures of people who aren’t dressed properly.”
Um, “Aren’t dressed properly”? More like: dressed awesomely, with nothing. Who wants to move to Germany with me?
To be sure, even some German publishers known for their racy content have managed to reconcile themselves to Apple’s restrictions.
Wait, what? No, no, what?
Axel Springer, whose newspaper Bild features a naked or scantily clad woman on its front page almost daily, developed an iPhone application that allows users to “undress” the models by shaking their phones.
That’s also the best way to get real women undressed. This guy knows what I’m talking about.
“We are perfectly comfortable with this,” said Christoph Keese, head of public affairs at Axel Springer. “Freedom of the press is not really about showing naked women.”
Sellout! Turncoat! Man, sentence like that make me wonder why people get involved in journalism in the first place. Here’s the real question: When will Europeans learn to be as ashamed of their bodies as Americans are? What’s the point of having a body and sex organs if not to hide them from the world and fear their power? Boy, I feel all funny after writing this post.
OK, time to go to, um, other parts of the Internet.