It’s not hyperbole to say that reading about politics is the single worst job/hobby ever devised by man or beast. The news junkie is a miserable shell of a person, constantly hunched over an RSS feed while Campbell Brown yammers on from the other room simulating companionship. AND YET — sometimes. Sometimes you stumble upon a piece of news so objectively wonderful that the world stretches out before you like a yammering, naked Campbell Brown. Today is one of those times.
TPM has the greatest scoop ever, basically, today. Like one of the really good X-Files episodes, the story begins with a problem so strange the audience can’t help but be intrigued:
The Georgia House Judiciary Committee took up a bill last week that would “prohibit requiring a person to be implanted with a microchip,” and would make violating the ban a misdemeanor.
Okay, okay. What? Apparently the entire state of Georgia thinks that Obama’s health plan allows doctors to implant a microchip in their patients for fun or something. Though I haven’t read the entire health care bill, this assertion strikes me as unlikely. BUT WATCH WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. This lady tells her story of woe:
“Microchips are like little beepers,” the woman told the committee. “Just imagine, if you will, having a beeper in your rectum or genital area, the most sensitive area of your body. And your beeper numbers displayed on billboards throughout the city. All done without your permission.”
“Ma’am, did you say you have a microchip?” state Rep. Tom Weldon (R) asked the woman.
“Yes, I do. This microchip was put in my vaginal-rectum area,” she replied.
Well duh, where else are they gonna put it. And who implanted the microchip?
“The Department of Defense,” she said.
Expect this sad lady (who probably doesn’t deserve to be made fun of) to headline the next Tea Party event, tentatively titled, “No Microchips Or Kenyans In Our Rectums.”