I’m kind of hacking Allison Kilkenny’s taser beat by writing about this, but there’s enough police misconduct to go around. At last night’s Philadelphia Phillies game a 17-year-old kid ran onto the field and was treated to 50,000 volts of New Justice, care of a taser and the small-dicked cop who wielded it.
The Philadelphia Taser Brigade (police dept.) responded to allegations that the cop acted inappropriately when he tasered an unarmed man who wasn’t a threat by offering to tase anybody who has a problem with their procedure.
Lt. Frank Vanore, a police spokesman, says Commissioner Charles Ramsey reviewed the tape and felt the officer had acted within the department’s guidelines, which allow officers to use Tasers to arrest fleeing suspects. [emphasis added.]
Yeah, fleeing suspects. You know, like all those guys who run onto a baseball field and then slip away through a back alley. Frankly, if the cops thought that this kid seriously had a chance to escape, maybe they should have more confidence in themselves.
“Hey guys, we’ve got this kid penned in on all sides! But, you know, we’re not very good at being cops so he’ll probably get away!”
But no, no, he didn’t get away. He got taught what was good for him, much to the delight of the nearby, overpaid, drugged-up mutants.
Several Phillies placed gloves over their faces and appeared to be stifling laughter at the wild scene.
Hahahahaha, casual use of potentially deadly force (see those links to Kilkenny above) is a real laugh riot. Also, it was the right thing to do, according to some kind of athletic fan fiction website called Back Porch Fanhouse.
A couple things to note before we get on with the soapboxing: 1) he’s a minor, 2) apparently, players were covering their faces with their gloves to stifle laughter, 3) theoretically, he wasn’t posing a threat, 4) there was a bomb threat Saturday in New York City.
The last one might not seem relevant, but I tend to think it is. Yes, for most of us viewing at home — and, it appears from various YouTube videos, fans in the stadium — this young man wasn’t a threat. But to an officer charged with keeping players and fans safe, it’s probably not worth waiting around to see how this thing plays out. [emphasis added.]
What a fantastic point. By that logic, cops should be tasering people who are parked in a no-standing zone outside the stadium. I mean, it’s against the law, so let’s bang bang bang and settle it later. Far better for us as a country to be gripped by the delusional fear that every shadow in the night is Satan come to kill us than to treat attention-hungry jackasses like the silly pranksters they so obviously are.
It’s also worth noting that despite CNN’s claim that this is the first time a taser has been used on a fan at a game, that’s not the case. An Oakland A’s fan was tasered several times last year in the stands, again, for being a drunken ass at a baseball game, which is un-American [via]. But let’s not think about that. Let’s instead laugh about that “Don’t tase me, bro” guy and not concern ourselves with the dangers of the hilariously named “less-lethal weapons.”
Here’s the video of history’s greatest monster getting what he had coming to him.