Oh man, it’s not even the Friday before a holiday weekend yet (one more day, please God get me through it), but the New York Times has already begun phoning it in. Apparently business is good over there, which is why they can afford to pay two — count them, two — reporters to write about famous people’s dorm rooms, and the goofballs who currently inhabit them. Now that T/S has been bought by Teve Torbes and the future remains uncertain, I would like a job at the Times please. I can write stories about not-famous people walking on the same carpet that famous people once walked on. Come on, how hard can it be?
Well, apparently typing out a story with a headline “Dorm Rooms With Bragging Rights” in a drunken haze is more difficult than it looks. For instance, here’s the most insightful quote the reporters could find.
“I just love how at Princeton, there’s just famous people in every place,’’ said Sabina Hlavaty of Rockville, Md.
“Famous people in every place,” is what she said? That’s barely literate. Come on! Okay, I don’t want a job at the Times anymore, I want to teach grammar at Princeton. Once there, I could go to every place I could want to go to and maybe see famous people who are in every place that I see. Then I would feel a thing in that place that I was in that maybe a famous person once felt, while in that very same place, at Princeton. Boy, famous people are in so many places, am I right about that?
“I wonder if one of us will be famous one day,’’ Marjie Lam, her roommate from Stowe, Mass., wondered aloud. [emphasis added.]
Seriously? I wonder if the editor of this piece could have wondered at the wonderful wonder contained in a thesaurus. I wonder if a famous person once wondered if he or she would be famous one day, in one of the places on the Princeton campus.
Of course, not all fame is the best kind. Eliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York who resigned after a prostitution scandal, shared a suite at 83 Spelman in a newer swath of campus. Designed by I. M. Pei, Spelman features large picture windows that may have given the future governor an early taste of life in a fishbowl.
Can somebody explain to me what’s happening in this paragraph? It’s completely incoherent. And not only incoherent, but completely outside the realm of “news” in every conceivable way. I get that this story was posted on a blog, but come on. Blog posts don’t necessarily have to be filled with non sequiturs.
Oh, and are you curious about where and how FDR pooped? No? Well that’s weird.
The two-bedroom suite with the paw-foot tub and pull-chain toilet that Franklin Delano Roosevelt rented more than a century ago when he enrolled at Harvard is no longer used for student housing.
Are you telling me I can’t enroll at Harvard and then poop where FDR did?! Does anybody know where his famous poop went? Does the Times have someone tracking down this important poop history?
Famous people are so great, in every place they are.