Vatican no longer cancer in metaphorical sense only

I’ll start by saying this: If there is a god (there’s not), that god really enjoys putting the Pope’s PR firm through hell.  As if the near constant reports that Pope Benedict protected child molesters wasn’t reason enough to flee the Church, a new study has shown that Vatican Radio has been giving children lymphoma and leukemia for years.  So yeah, either god hates the Catholic Church or children.

The researchers don’t mince their words:

“There has been an important, coherent and meaningful correlation between exposure to Vatican Radio’s structures and the risk of leukaemia and lymphoma in children,” the report said, according to the daily La Stampa.

The report also warned of “important risks” of dying of for people who had resided at least 10 years within a nine-kilometre (5.5-mile) radius of the radio’s giant antenna towers near Cesano, some 20 kilometres north of Rome.

At least Vatican Radio has been pumping out the sweet rock and roll jams this whole time!  I love their Hour of Devotional Rock program, hosted by DJ Holy Fingers, who got his name by spinning Creed records and touching little boys.

Thankfully for the Vatican, Science has been working on ways to understand why shit actually happens (like why janky radio towers give kids cancer) for as long as Supernatural Thinking has been working to oppose that end.

The Vatican spokesman said the Holy See would soon publish its own experts’ conclusion in the case.

Expect them to conclude their radio towers were not to blame and stand by that position until 200 years later when they reluctantly admit they were actually wrong about all empirical claims they’ve ever made.  That seems to be the pattern, anyway.

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