Look, it’s a sunny day here in beautiful New York City, and it’s Friday, and frankly I’m in a pretty good mood. But! Oh, god, Mitch McConnell. Have you been paying attention to this guy lately? He. Is. The. WORST. And so is CNN. They are also the worst. But the two of them together, boy howdy, it’s enough to make you want to just say fuck it and move to Key West and form a Jimmy Buffet cover band. For instance, yesterday evening McConny — who, BTW, is the Senate Minority Leader, not just some no-name schmuck — told reporters that the Republicans “got their groove back.” OH GOD shoot me in the face, thanks.
Honestly, all this talk of midterm elections is so dreary. The President’s party almost always loses seats in the mid-term elections during his first term, especially when the economy is still shitty and unemployment is hovering around 10%. Impose whatever convenient narrative you want to, that’s just a historical tendency in this country. That’s why this quote, from McConnell, is so patently absurd.
“We shared your frustration. And we girded for the fight, confident that we had supporters behind us. We broke out of the Washington echo chamber and fought the government-driven solutions that Democrats were proposing. We got our groove back,” said McConnell
McConnell is so hip! He then went on to promise that the GOP would, “do the right thing” because they have a “sixth sense” about “American Beauty.” He did not say any of those things, but I’m getting word from staffers that his statement today will consist solely of him rapping the lyrics to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song while John Kyl beatboxes.